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I feel like killing myself (literaly). I'm feeling so damn tired and stress right now. I'm really feeling very tired and i feel like escaping to some places that only have cool wind, zero stress, bed and food (preferable buffet with cheese cake and peppermint ice-cream). I'm glad that all the subjects have 2 to 3 days break and that will somehow give me some time to study for the subsequence subject as i only manage to study LLT during my study week. I can imagine that after 2 weeks of stressful exam, it will be time for me to prepare my FYP proposal with a lot of reading and brainstorming. I think that i have a good scope of study but the literature review might not be enough, that's the time where i need to bury my eyes into books and books and books non-stop. One thing for sure that this is time where i seriuously focus on my studies and be stress throughout the whole year until i completed my FYP and graduate by passing it. From now on, i'll be in a caution and stressful state where intrinsic,extrinsic,intrgrative and instrumental motivation(sorry for being to obessed with the theories)must be here to motivate me no matter in what fucking situation.

*p/s Is anyone using celcom broadband? Is it good? How's the coverage and speed? pls leave me some comment about it...planned to change to celcom coz i won't have internet acess at my house if i don't do so....

Declaration

To my friends:
This letter is dedicated to my friends that knew what is happening between me and the other one. The battle between us has ended as i found out something that i shouldn't know. I saw what is really happening and i decided to give up and carry on with my own life. The current status between us will just be like the status that i have with you (the person reading this post). We may seem to be close in future but do remember that my feelings have ended with the declaration and posting of this post. You do not need to comfort me but you should congratulate for making such a wise decision.


* that relationship is not everything to me. but instead it's just a supplement of my life


From:
Elizabeth Tan
14-04-09
1625

i'm just a shit that deserve my place in the toilet bowl

Yesterday was just not my day as i did badly for my language teaching presentation and sociolinguistic presentation. After my language teaching presentation, i kept on asking myself maybe teaching is just not my cup of tea. I'm very enthusiastic in involving myself in education line and treat it as my lifetime career but after yesterday i suddenly thought that maybe i'm just a piece of useless shit that won't be able to do well in anything. Maybe i'm just destined to be a rubbish collector which nobody will want to do in today's world. i'm just a piece of shit that also make others feel dissapointed. I really feel very depressed yesterday and actually my tears were in my eye just that i don allow it to fall.undeniable, i'm really an useless shit that just wasting food and money.i'm useless.i can't do anything.
when i thought that the situation will be better for socio presentation, who knows actually it was the worst. I totally collapsed without any doubt. Again, my tears appear in my eyes again but it was in the middle of the presentation, i can't let my tears drop down from my eyes.Luckily, my tears listened to my desire and didn't fall down from my eyes. During these 2 years, yesterday was the 1st time i had such feeling .I hope that that will be the first and the last time this kind of feeling will never appear again.

My Rights

What are the rights that i can and wanted to claim? Below are the rights that i wanted to claim from you, you and you:

1. the right to miss my home sweet home
-do not describe me as homesick when i wanted to go back or when i sounded like i miss my
family

2. the right of being a christian
- i don't feel embarressed by being a Christian and please do not insult my religion by making
fun of it and saying things that do not have any evidence

3.the right to say 'i love you'
-i've learned to appreciate what i have and i'll choose to express my feeling so that you'll know
what i'm thinking

4.the right to have strong interpersonal skill
- i have the right to have my own self-esteem and realize what kind of person i am, please do
not laugh and tease me when i understand what i want

5.the right to choose a companion
-i'm not hot and sexy but i do have the right to choose who i want to be with so stop gossiping
behind me, if he rejects at least i tried and i knew

6.the right of being protected
- you don have the right to threat me and hurt my little soul

7.the right of being someone who is successful in life
-please do not compare me with others as everyone is special and i believe that with your
encouragement i can be someone in life

8.the right to have a clean environment
-these are all done by human, polluting, burning rubbish, causing the global warming and so on
My right has stated clearly that i demand a clean and safe environment and also away from
the society's rubbish.

9.the right to consume safe and healthy food